Friday, October 19, 2012

At my rope's end....

Well, here I am...yet again. I'm sure no one is here anymore, and honestly it doesn't matter. I need to be back here, writing as often as I can, so I can be accountable, even if it is just to myself. I've been up, down, up, down, all around, lol for the past few months. I've been down to 194 and up to 200. It's sickening really. I've just had a hard time lately getting serious. I wish I could tell you why, but I don't know! Part of it is probably that we are hoping to get pregnant soon, and I have had the "I'm going to get pregnant and fat anyways so why should I even try" syndrome. Again, I know it's wrong, but it's the truth! The last thing I need to do is get FATTER before I even get pregnant! The other issue has been that I haven't been able to go to my workout classes in the past month or so. It started when my son started waking up very early, so I couldn't leave, then hunting season started, so my husband isn't home now in the morning. I need to find time to work out, but honestly, it seems impossible with three kids, housework, laundry, homeschooling, etc. The only time I really have is when the kids go to bed, but in all honesty, I'm just so exhausted by that point, the last thing I want to do is to "party" with Jillian Michaels! :-)
   As scared as I am to do it, I am going to weigh myself tomorrow, and post it. I did go away with my BFF last weekend to Orlando, so I'm coming off a BAD week of eating! I'm probably going to be somewhere around 200, give or take a few. I am going to try to post as much as I can, in the midst of my crazy life, even if I am the only one that reads it. If anyone is still here, sorry for being so "on again and off again" all the time. Still trying though....not giving up yet!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

I'm still here!

Sorry I have been MIA for almost a week. After my son finally got better, I ended up getting sick over the weekend. It's always something, isn't it? So basically I started "fresh" again on Monday. I decided to take a 60 challenge ( that I made up myself! :-) to not have white sugar or white flour for 60 days. NO cheating allowed. Not even for my son's birthday party. Obviously I'm allowed to do whatever I want since I'm the only one doing it, lol, but I am going to be strict with myself. I know I CAN do it, it's just a matter of me DOING it! Make sense? I joined a exercise class with my friend that is at 6:00am  4 days a week. I am NOT a morning person, but I think this is what I need to do in order to get a workout in each day. It is just not happening any other time, and I know it will be even harder once school starts. Now the key is just to make myself go to bed early every night! :-)
  Just so you know, I weighed myself Monday morning, and was back to 196.5. Believe it or not, I wasn't too heartbroken. After 10 days of not tracking, I just gained back what I lost the week before. Ha...sounds funny, but I guess it could have been worse. I don't know when I will log my next WI. Not sure if I want to keep it on Saturdays, or start doing it again on Mondays. Maybe it will depend on what I weigh on Saturday, to see if I want an extra 2 days to lose before telling you guys! :-) Either way, we will talk again soon! :-)

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

I've fallen down and I can't get up!

It has been a rough, and I mean ROUGH past 5 days. Saturday started with my son getting a fever, and he has been sick ever since. High fever, cranky and attached to my hip for 5 days. If that was not bad enough, I had to work Monday-Thursday this week, from 9am to 6pm at my dad's store. I brought my son because he couldn't be without me, but it just upped the stress by 100! I don't diet well under stress. I know it is not an excuse, but it is the truth. I didn't have time each morning to pack food as I was running out of the house with a sick kid, and all of his stuff for the day, so I ate whatever everyone else did at work. I feel so fat to be completely honest. I really need to shake it off and start again tomorrow. I still have one more day at work this week, so I need to figure out what to bring for lunch and dinner tomorrow. Maybe I should just get Subway on the way. What I need to do is just commit to 1 full week of taking pictures of EVERYTHING and tracking EVERY point. I am a person of habit, so if I can get a good solid week of doing perfect in, I will tend to stick to it out of just momentum. It's just been rough this past week, and I know I will be up a couple on Saturday. Trying not to let it get me down too much, because if I do, and give up, I will be 200 again before I know it. Just trying to get back up and get back on track...

Saturday, July 21, 2012

WI day and terrible eating

Well let's start with the ugly. BAD eating day. Luckily it was the first day of the week, so I had 35 flex points, but it was a rough one. My son has a high fever so I spent all day home laying around with him, bored, and boredom brings on eating. I didn't have 1 majorly bad thing, but just snacked all day long. to just try to get it under control before tomorrow so it doesn't turn into 2 days of being bad! :-(

Good news now! I weighed in at 194 today, which was a 2.5 pound loss this week! I was VERY happy with that, as you can imagine! The lowest I have gotten in the past 2 years is 193.5, so if I can even lose 1 pound this coming week, I would be happy! If I continue to eat like today, I can PROMISE you it won't happen though!

Like I said, it was a rough day all around here today with a sick toddler, so no pictures. If you haven't figured it out yet, I'm not very dependable with pictures! I will get better eventually...I hope! My mind is just about 1,000 other places during the day with 3 kids and everything else I have going on, that I just forget to do it! :-)

Starting weight - 7/14 - 196.5
This week    -     7/21 - 194.0
This week's loss - 2.5
Total loss - 2.5

Tomorrow we are having company and making homemade pizzas for lunch. I would like to say that I will do great and stay within my points tomorrow, but I know myself better than that! I will try my best though! Have a great Sunday!

Friday, July 20, 2012

Day of cravings...ugh

It was a rough day today. Let's put it this could have been way worse. It started off fine and normal, but then I decided to make these "healthy" white bean brownies. They are healthy, except for the chocolate chips. Normally, this would have been fine for me...I would have had 1 or maybe 2 and been done. Welllllllll apparently at this time of month, I can't control myself. I ate WAY yonder too many of them throughout the day. Frustrating, because tomorrow is WI, but it is what it is. My daughters and their friends made chocolate chip cookies, and I didn't touch them, so I'm proud about that. I'm sure the WI won't be good anyway because of the time of month, but I will be fine with whatever it is. I did great this week, except for today, so I'm proud of myself! So sorry about no pictures was a crazy day of baking, cooking, cleaning and having 2 extra kids here. I will try my BEST to do it tomorrow! Hope you all have a great weekend!

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Long day....zzzzz.....

I didn't take pictures of everything today, so I'm just going to not bother posting the couple I did take! I was at work from 9am till 8:30, came home and put the kids in bed and finally am relaxing for the first time. I did good today, except for a half of a cookie and a kiddie size fruity drink that my kids didn't want to finish. Days like this are really hard for me, because I am at work with candy bars, Chili's that they ordered today, cookies, etc. For dinner I had 1 piece of chicken from Chili's and 3 bites of mashed potatoes. I'm not sure of the points values, but I don't think it was that bad, and I know for sure I could have done MUCH worse! :-) I am soooo hungry right now, but I made myself get right in bed, far from the kitchen, so I won't eat anything else. Somedays that is what I have to do just to restrain myself! HA!

Sorry, I feel like this post is so random and jumbled! I've been on the computer all day, taking care of customers online, on the phone, and in a store, and my brain is fried! Promise it will be better tomorrow! :-) ( and I will have pictures! )

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Good day

Would you believe I actually took pictures today? I did miss one, but it's better than nothing! :-) The day started off with my breakfast sandwich. Thankfully I went grocery shopping and got whole wheat sandwich thins, which are 1 point instead of 2, so that can reduce my breakfast by a point starting tomorrow! :-)

                       I then went grocery shopping, which was LONG overdue! It was nice to be able to buy stuff to be able to make some point friendly meals this coming week! When I got home I made a roast beef sandwich, with 2% Swiss cheese, and some Baked chips.
 A little Dove for dessert! :-)
 Some blueberries for a afternoon snack
 For dinner I bought a whole wheat crust, and made a spinach/cheese pizza. It was pretty tasty, and I was able to freeze the rest of it for future fast dinners!
I came home from church and had 2 black bean brownies. I wasn't going to eat anything, but it is that time of month and I was STARVING! I'm just glad I chose something healthy, and stopped there! I also packed all of my food for tomorrow and stuck it in the fridge. I am going to be gone from 9am to 9pm tomorrow night, so I had to pack food for the whole day. Hopefully I can stick to the plan yesterday and not slip up! Hope you all had a great day!

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Fun day

I hate to say that on Day 2 I don't have pictures, but that is the truth. I was at a friends house all day with my kids, and just plain forgot to take pictures of my food! It was record breaking heat today, so we spent the day swimming and relaxing! The good thing about being in the pool, is that you are away from the kitchen and all the food! :-) We ate very healthy though, and I stayed within my points. For dinner we had smoked chicken, and grilled zucchini. It was awesome and low in points! I do have to say, with trying to eat as "clean" as possible, while counting points, is really hard. The healthiest stuff, without fake stuff in it, is always higher in points, such as real butter as opposed to spray butter, so I'm going through points much faster, and am always hungry. I'm trying to figure out how to do both, but I haven't found the balance yet. I want to eat as healthy as possible, so I can continue it even when I get pregnant, but I also need to eat little enough that I will lose! Does anyone have any tips?

Monday, July 16, 2012

Day One ( again! :-)

  Today was my first real day back on the old WW plan. Of course I had great plans of starting on Saturday, but we all know, starting on a weekend is almost impossible! :-) I had a great awakening this weekend actually though, so I'm kind of glad I ate "bad." So for the three weeks prior, like I told you, I was off all white flour/white sugar, and basically was eating "clean". I felt good, but didn't realize how good I really was feeling. This weekend I ate "normal" again for the first time in a while. Ya know, cake at a birthday party, some candy and snacks at a movie, etc. Sunday night, I felt like CRAP! I couldn't believe how it made me feel! I guess I didn't realize that for those 3 weeks, I never had a stomachache, never felt bloated, even when I ate "a lot", because it was all natural. It really made me realize that I would like to try to eat as much natural foods as possible, even while following WW. I still will have some chocolate each day, as you will see, but over all, I would like to make most of my choices healthy and whole wheat at least 5 to 6 days a week. All bets may be off on the weekend though! :-)

   I am going to make my WI days on Saturdays, and I actually put my scale away so I only weigh myself on that day, and not numerous times during the week. I know it will be very hard for me, as I am a scale addict, lol, but I am going to try! :-)

WI week one
7/14 - 196.5

I will be having a monthly visitor this week, so I don't know what the scale will say on Saturday, but I know I will have tried my best. :-) Here is my day today.

Breakfast - 1 egg on WW english muffin with some butter

Snack - 1 plum

Lunch - 2 slices WW pizza with lots of veggies

Dessert - 25 York Peppermint Pattie candies

Snack - 1 WW coco pop with 2 tablespoons hummus
                                    Dinner - 1 1/4 cup shredded wheat with 1 cup milk

I ended the night with 3 mini all natural black bean brownies, that I forgot to take a pic of! I ended the day exactly on target, so I was happy with that. Day One's to tomorrow!

Quick post

Just letting you know that I will be back tonight, starting my attempt at daily posts/pictures. Be back later!

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Officially the Worst Blogger EVER!

Ok, I admit it. Blogging is not my thing. I always have these great and grand intentions of posting, and then life with 3 kids just happens, and I push it to the back burner. I don't want to give huge promises of daily posts for the next year or anything like that, but I am going to give it a go to try to post as often as I can. Are you all ready for the story of my life lately, and then my new plan of action? goes...
   Since February, I've been trying the whole "counting calories" thing. I have to be honest...I did really like it, and I lost more on it then I ever did on the WW Points Plus program. But like anything, the "honeymoon" stage wore off, and I found myself not being faithful with counting. The pounds weren't coming back on, but just kind of staying where they were. 3 weeks ago, I found myself at 200 again, a place I did not want to be, so I decided to go off of white sugar and white flour...just for a time. I felt like I was at a point that I wasn't able to control myself around those things, and I needed a time to just get rid of them completely. The first 2 weeks, I lost 6.5 pounds! I was thrilled! The funny thing is, I wasn't even really counting calories, just eating healthier stuff. For some reason, this past week, while doing the same thing I was doing the 2 weeks prior, I gained 3 of those pounds back. I guess I was eating too much, even of healthy food.
   I went to bed last night musing and contemplating on what I should do. Should I continue the no white flour/sugar, and just count all the calories? I knew no matter what that I would not go back to WW Points Plus just doesn't work for me. I then realized that the time I lost the most weight, was when I did the Weight Watchers old plan ( flex? I think? ). I got down to within 2 pounds of my Healthy Weight...and then I got pregnant! :-) I almost got excited thinking of pulling out all the old recipes that I used to make before the new WW plan, and knowing all the Points values for them. I know you probably think I am all a nut job for always changing my mind, but right now I'm at the point that I need to find what is going to work best for me. I would like to try to have another baby in 3-4 months, so I really want to work hard and get down as much as I can before piling it on again. HA. I know some people would say, "Why bother? You are just going to gain weight pregnant anyway! Just wait till you have a baby then work on losing it!" Part of me agrees, but then I figure if I can lose even 15 pounds before getting pregnant, that is 15 less I will have to lose after the baby.
   Well, there you have it. The story of my life. I don't know if anyone even reads this anymore, but regardless if anyone does, I still want to post daily for myself. I started today by taking pics of my food with my iphone, so hopefully that will make it easier to post each night. Let me know if you are still here, and willing to follow me ( yet again ) on this never ending journey!!

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Let the games BEGIN!

I have something really exciting to share with you all! As of yesterday, I am in a weight-loss competition with my friend through blogging, Alissa! If you go to her blog, and scroll down a little bit, you can read all about it in her post "Competition Announcement!" She is such an amazing blogger, and writes each day, unlike yours truly, lol, so I'm sorry if I don't post as often about it as she probably will! I will try to be more faithful with blogging though. I'm super excited about doing this, and hopefully, even though it only is lasting 6 weeks, will get me in a great mindset, and I won't want to stop! We are keeping our progress a secret from each other until June 1st when we see who is the winner, so I won't be posting any of my weigh-ins. Just wanted to touch base with everyone, just in case I got any new followers through this! Hoping to be feeling pretty good about myself 6 weeks from today! :-) Let the game begin!

Wednesday, April 11, 2012 I am, 1 year later

Yesterday was my 27th birthday. A whole year since I started this blog. I could be really depressed that my birthday came and I am not down the 40 pounds that I would have liked. BUT, I am down 15 pounds from last year, and I can't complain about that. I took three vacations, had holidays, kids birthday, parties, etc throughout the last year, and still managed to lose 15 pounds. I know, it is not much, but all I know is, I didn't wake up at 215 like I did last year on my birthday! I made some goals yesterday, for my 27th year. I will share them with you -

1.) Take better care of myself. I know how I am, being a mother of three...I always come last. I wake up in the morning, take a fast shower, throw my hair back in a ponytail, no makeup, and start my day. Most days I don't have time to workout. I only really wear makeup and do my hair when I am going to church, or doing something special. I'm realizing though, that if I take that extra time to take care of myself, I will feel better about myself, and probably work harder at being healthy, eating good, and working out. I'm not saying that everyday I am going to be wearing makeup and curling my hair, but I just want a better overall mindset about myself.

2.) Do 25 situps every night before bed. Hopefully I can work up to more eventually, but that is my starting point.

3.) To run a 5k by the end of summer, WITHOUT stopping.

4.) Obviously, to lose weight! Haha...somethings never change! :-)

Well, I just wanted to touch base. I gained a couple pounds over Easter and my birthday, so I am working hard to get it off again. Awww the circle of life! :-)

Friday, March 23, 2012

"One"derland....again! :-)

I am happy to announce that I weighed in at 199 today! Now, I did get down to 198.6 before we went to Florida last November, but once I pass that, it will be the lowest I've been in 18 months! I'm feeling pretty good right now too! I took a 4.4 mile walk/jog last night, and was exhausted when I got back! I probably jogged about 1/3 of it, and fast walked the rest of the time. I feel skinnier for sure too! I really would like to be at 190 by the end of April, so I really do have my work cut out for me. I want to get FAR enough away from the 200s so that if I have a bad day, I don't go over again. I'm very happy with "Lose It" too right now! I feel very much in control of what I'm eating! I have a very rough weekend coming up, as far as eating is concerned, so it is scaring me just a bit! Birthday parties with gourment cupcakes and cake pops, and going out to eat at a fancy resturant are 2 of the things on the schedule. Sigh....just when I'm starting to feel confident, I get a crazy weekend thrown at me! I'm really hoping I can stay strong and make good choices though. I'm going to need a lot of water, and PRAYER!! :-)
Hope you all have a great weekend!

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Still going pretty strong!

Just a quick update on me! I've been doing pretty well on the new calorie counting plan! I was 202 this morning and was really excited about that! I haven't lost as much as I would have liked, BUT, I feel a lot skinnier! I have been working out a lot lately, and starting to run a little bit as I would like to train for a 5k, so I think I'm toning a lot! I am still loving the calorie counting plan so far!I am loving doing something different than Weight Watchers after so many years! I am exhuasted after working out really hard tonight, so I am going to bed early! Hope you all are having a great week!

Sunday, March 4, 2012

New Plan

Yes, again, it has been weeks between posts! I'm so sorry about that! I wanted to let you all know what I've been thinking, and share my "new plan of action" with you all. Let me give you a little background first....
When I was 15, I needed to lose about 15-20 pounds, but didn't really want to work for it. My dad noticed, didn't want to be hurtful about it, but wanted to help me get "motivated." At the time, our church was taking missions trips to Africa, and I really wanted to go, but didn't have any money, so my dad told me that for every pound I lost, he would give me $20 towards going on the trip! ( Man, I wish he would offer me that NOW! :-) I don't think I ever got my full amount of promised money, lol, but it didn't even matter, cause I lost the weight, and felt great. What I did was eat 1200 calories a day, in 200 calorie increments. I would eat 200 calories at 8am, 10am, 12pm, 2pm, 4pm and 6pm, and then wouldn't eat anything after 6pm. I was really strict about it too. Like I remember going to church, and at 10:00am, I would go in the bathroom stall and eat my granola bar! HA! I was also working out at the YMCA almost every day. Ahh the life of a teenager with all the time in the world! :-) I joined WW about a year or so after that, and lost about 10 more pounds. When I got married at 19, I was around 170, and a size 8-10. After having my first baby, I went back to WW, and have pretty much been there ever since, in between pregnancies. After my second daughter, I was about 210, and I got my skinniest since having children, and got down to 180. I was working really hard cause my husband and I were going on a cruise together. I stayed right around 180-185 until I got pregnant with my son. ANYWAY...wake up if you've fallen asleep, I'm about at the point of this whole post. The WW new "points plus" plan came out just when I joined after having my son, and I was so excited about it, thinking it was new, and I was going to lose a bunch of weight on it. Yup. That was 18 months ago, and I've lost, I don't know....about 10 pounds in that time frame. I have been really depressed lately that I am STILL over 200 pounds. Now, I'm not going to bash the new WW plan, cause I can't say I did it perfect like I should have. But all I do know, is I lost a lot easier on the old plan. I am a CARB QUEEN, and ever since the carbs went up in points on the new plan, it's been hard for me. I know, I know, you get more points every day, but I don't know why it just really bothered me.
Fast forward to last week. I really needed something new. I would like to get pregnant towards the end of 2012 - beginning of 2013, and I really need to get down before then. I want to feel pretty and healthy by the time my son is 2. I was reading another blogger's post, who I love following, and she decided to switch it up also and start a calorie counting regiment. I remembered back to when I did that, and lost weight when I was a teen, and thought I would give it a try again. I found an amazing app for my phone, that keeps track of all my calories, and I am in LOVE with it so far! I get about 1500 calories a day, and that is supposed to have me lose 2 pounds a week. I'm not expecting exactly that, because I have decided to take every Sunday off from tracking. I am not going to take Sunday's to go CRAZY, but I think I need a break from tracking every bite I need just once a week. Maybe I will change my mind and do it all 7 days, but as for now, I am going to start with that. I have a couple friends doing it with me, which has made it really fun! I am going to start having my WI days be on Sunday mornings starting with today.

Sunday, March 4th
Current Weight - 205
Starting Weight on 2/29 - 207
Total Lost - 2 pounds

Please stick with me on here! If you still read this, please give a comment just so I know you are still around! I'm going to start posting more as I start this new adventure! I am hoping to get to my goal by August 21st, 2012! Love to hear your comments!!

Sunday, February 5, 2012

Honesty is the Best Policy

Well, my friend told me I should post again, as much as I was dreading it, so here goes! I came back from Florida last week and after a week and a half of eating junk food, I found quite a few new pounds when I stepped on the scale. Sigh. I can't say I was surprised, but I'm not going to say it wasn't depressing either. I went to WW on Thursday, saying I wasn't going to weigh in because I was up so much. I just hate seeing the number that high, over and over. I feel like I've been losing and gaining the same 10 pounds for a year. :-( Anyway, my ww friend suggested that I just ask them if I can start from scratch, get a new "start" weight, and a new wi book, so I decided that is what I was going to do. I weighed in at....(gulp)....(don't want to even tell you)....(please don't hate me)...208.8. YUCK! I just want to get out of the 200's once and for all, and all I do is keep going up! I am hoping now that all my vacations, holidays, and birthdays in the family are over for awhile, I can get back on track. One of my friends that I went to Florida with, and I have been doing Jillian Michael's workout dvd's over Skype each night for the past 3 days. It has been great in so many ways! One, it is motivation to do it because I know that she is waiting for me over at her computer! Another thing is, I miss her so much after spending 8 days with her, so I get to see her and catch up! :-) Love ya Deb! :-)
So, I know my blog is called "40 pounds by 27", but I stink, so I'm not going to be losing 33 pounds by April 10th, I'm sure, so my new goal is to be 175 by August 21st, which is my son's 2nd birthday. We would like at least one more baby, and probably would be thinking about another pregnancy this fall/winter, so I would like to get to goal, and enjoy it a few months before getting fat again! I really do need all the help I can get, as I will try to post much more on here. Please, tell your ww friends about my blog, and have them encourage me too! I am so tired of feeling/looking like I do, and I need to change it! Thank you for those who do means so much to me!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

New train of thought...

I have been obviously struggling for awhile now, back and forth, back and forth, trying to lose the same weight over and over again, and it is frustrating. I feel like I need to look at it a different way. I was talking to a friend of mine, who is pregnant now, but is a lifetime member at WW. She was telling me how she can't wait to start up on WW again once she has this baby. She says she LOVES "dieting" because it is a game to her, mentally, that she is trying to win. She hates trying to mantain, but loves the game of trying to get the numbers on the scale to go down. I walked away from the conversation thinking about it. Maybe I should try to look at it like that, and see if it changes my thought process. It may sound silly, but sometimes it just takes something like that to help you out.

I was proud of myself ( sorta ) this weekend. My husband had a work dinner that we had to go to at this amazing resturant. Now, my husband and I NEVER go out to dinner, like ever, so I knew from the start, that I was just going to enjoy myself and splurge, and BOY, did I ever! They had everything from fresh belgian waffles, crepes with Nutella, fresh egg omelets, and dinner stuff like, alfredo, pasta, pizza, fresh mozzerella and olives, bread, etc. Then, the desserts! Chocolate fondue fountain with every fruit you can think of, graham crackers, marshmellows, pretzels, etc and every kind of chocolate cake, chocolate covered oreos, chocolate covered rice krispie treats, the list goes on and on. I ate enough to last a week. It ended at 2:00pm, and I didn't eat anything the rest of the day. You are probably wondering when I will get to the part that I am proud of! Normally when I have a meal like that, it turns into a bad day, and then a bad NEXT day, and then a bad week. I have a REALLY hard time coming off a meal like that and going 100% back on plan. I did go right back on, which I am pretty happy about! Now, I was up like 4 pounds on Monday after that huge meal, but am already down almost 2 of it by today. I will keep on plugging away...I want to get in a good groove before we leave on Sunday!

Friday, January 13, 2012

Is anyone even here anymore?

HELLO????? I'm so sorry I haven't posted in 3 months! Between our Florida vacation, and all the holidays, I've been so busy.....and um....busy eating too. I was about 199 before our Florida trip the last week in October, and I kinda just ate whatever from then up until January 2nd. Well, I did a few good days in that time, but not enough to even make a dent. When I weighed in on January 2nd, I was 209.5, and was SICK about it. But, it's not like I was surprised...I knew I ate bad, so I didn't expect anything else. I can say though, that in the past 12 days though, I have lost 8.5 pounds, and weighed in at WW last night at 201. I was very happy!! I am actually going back to Florida on the 22nd for a week! When we went in November, our flight got overbooked, so we volunteered to stay an extra couple nights and ended up getting a bunch of free round trip tickets! I have some friends whose grandparents live in Orlando, so I am bringing them, and my 2 daughters with me, and going back down! My goal is to be under 200 when we leave. I am really going to try to stay on plan while I am there though...I don't want to throw away all of my hard work! Anyway, just wanted to see if anyone was still here, and see if I should pick up where I left off and start posting again. Should I???